James Dean Potter Explains
by Emperor Sunny
Summary: A companion piece to my Twin Potter AU, the Twins Potter. Harry's twin, James Dean, explains things to the wee ickle muggles, even if he doesn't know what he's talking about...
1. Chapter 1: The Rules of Magical Life

Hello, I'm James Dean Potter. You might know me from Emperor Sunny's fanfic series "The Twins Potter." I know what you're thinking right. "Like, O. M. G! He's like, totally breaking the fourth wall right now!" Well, stop thinking it. I know I'm an imaginary person. I know he is like, basically my real God. I just follow the Catholic denomination of Christianity to spite him, for basically being my God. Or maybe I'm a Christian because he makes me. Who knows?

But philosophy is not the reason why I'm talking to you. And yes, I AM talking to YOU. Yeah, you. The silly little fangirl who has no life. Or maybe you're a fan… guy. I don't know. If that's so, that's just kinda creepy. I don't know why that's creepy, but it is. I don't want fanboyz. Fangirlz are cool though, especially if they have red hair. In any case, you're penname is androgynous to me, anyway. It doesn't matter.

Before I continue, let me say this. Me, or my creator, own nothing. We do not own anything that could make us money from this, or anything else that has to do with my brother Harry. I do not own J.K. Rowling. No toes that get stepped on in these explanations are meant to be stepped on. My views expressed in this does NOT reflect those of my creator, Emperor Sunny.

I'm here to, well explain stuff to you. Because Lord only knows you need it. Admit it, you're like little poor Nemo, lost at sea in an ocean of uncertainty, the ocean that is our Earth. Well, that's why I'm here. I'm here to pull you out of the water, burn your scales, plastically surgicalize your bones into a flexible, but tough, skeleton, and throw you back into that ocean a kickass shark.

And believe me, you need it.

The secrets of life, sex, magic, quidditch, boys, girls, music, art, science, why Rosa Parks calling shotgun could have saved the world, and why that damnable blue sky is… well, blue are all to entail. The answers to all your questions are here, you just need to simply read my words.

Seriously, _**eat my words as if they were the waters of life, and live by their nutrients- We must question everything, and be patriotic to no one nation. We obey not the masses, nor the fat cat that tells us what we hear, see, or buy, but the wisdom of our own hearts. Salvation does not come for those who look for it, but for those who BELIEVE in it. And when darkness turns to light, we WILL be one. We will hold each other, accept each other, love each other. And we WILL be victorious. Because there is no greater victory, than the victory of love. No matter how bad it hurts.**_

**James Dean Potter Explains… The Core Rules of Life**

**1. **_**Ass**_**ume nothing**. Look back to the old standby cliché- it makes an ass out of both you and me. Look at Draco Malfoy; he assumes by his nature that "mudbloods" are below him. So, he henceforth treats them as such. Me, being a half-blood(a mudblood, in his eyes,) gets me treated like dirt. And me being treated like dirt doesn't sit well with me.

So when his pointy ferret-face comes walking down the corridors of Hogwarts, and said pointy-face sees my beautiful, handsome, flawless face, he feels the urge to follow up his _ass_umptions. He calls me Pottyhead, or mudblood, and then I get angry.

So me and my homeboyz Travis, Brian, Kiara Emmaline, Harry, Ronald, and Hermione are then forced to beat him up. Not that I need them. I can totally plaster his ugly little pretty boy face up and down these halls…

**Awesome points**: Minus ten for admitting I need help jumping a scrawny wimp.

You get the point. Him being a racist makes him a jerk, me beating the crap out him makes me a jerk. Savvy?

**2. Pirates Beat Zombies, Ninjas Beat Pirates, Zombies Beat Ninjas. **Do I really have to explain _this_? Oh, very well…

Pirates, like Jack Sparrow, have sparkling, imaginative personalities, and are very clever. Zombies are braindead walking corpses who can't operate a cannon, shoot a musket, or wield a cutlass. Pirates win by having the tactical advantage of ships, technology, and cunning.

Ninjas are fast, invisible, and there are about twenty watching me explain this to in my small room here underneath the Dursley's staircase. Twenty, dammit, in an eight-by-eight space! Their fast throwing shurikens and fancy little knives, coupled with their amazing gifts of stealth and discipline make them more than pirates can handle. Ninjas win by tactical advantage.

Zombies don't feel pain, don't need to see to smell a hiding ninja, and can only die by having their heads chopped off or their brains blown out. A ninja lacks the proper equipment to damage an entire horde of zombies, because all they have are little knives, and can't even hide from them! Zombies win by the tactical advantage of superb physical "endurance" and wicked cool sensory skills.

**Awesome points**: Plus twenty for knowledge of Magical Creatures.

**3. The Jets are the Greatest American Football Team. EVER. **Why? They won a Super Bowl with quite possibly the worst winning SB quarterback in NFL history _calling their plays for them_. What has Brett Favre done lately?

**Awesome Points**: plus five for being a Jets fan.

4. Never, EVER Mess With a Dragon

They have spicy bad breath, horns, poisonous teeth, and they _fly_. They'll barbecue you to your bones, and pick their teeth with what little remains of your body. And don't forget their size. They're huge! Have you ever seen a small dragon? Of course you have, you're all muggles. But in reality, a Komodo dragon is NOT a dragon, it's a lizard with improper oral hygiene.

**Awesome Points**: Minus twenty for showing fear.

**5. Butterbeer is _not _for House Elves. **Take poor little Winky for example. She got chucked out on her short little pointy-eared behind, and became an alcoholic. On butterbeer. It doesn't take much of the seemingly non-alcoholic beverage,(screw that British standby of serving it cold, Rocky Mountain Cold, all the way!) best served warm, to inebriate our little homemakers. So keep it away from them.

What am I worried about? You muggles will never have a house elf!

**Awesome Points**: Plus ten for knowledge of blood-to-alcohol levels of a magical creature, plus a bonus fifty for getting a good muggle-hating joke in.

**6. Witches are the Square Root of Evil. **Having a girlfriend, as described by many-a-muggle feature film, is a joyous occasion. But in reality it is hell. Women take time and money. Time is money. Money is the square root of evil. Thus, a witch is the square root of evil.

Moral of the story? Don't get a girlfriend. Or witchfriend, if you're a wizard.

**Awesome Points**: Minus a thousand points for hypocrisy. Yeah, I have a girlfriend, so? I don't see you getting any, loser.

Okay, I take it back. Girlfriends are awesome, and never evil -_**CRACK**_!- YES DEAR, I'M SORRY! I'M SO, SO SORRY! I love you, -mumbles something unintelligible- YES! I LOVE YOU, SWEETEYHOTBUNS!

**7. Never Have Fear of a Name! **C'mon, sing it with me. "Oldy Moldy Voldy Morty Wart! His feet have worts, and his head is a collection of molds! Ladeedaladah!"

**Awesome Points**: Infinite. The entirety of us, making fun of Riddle for the rest of our lives, gives incalculable amounts of WIN, not to mention Awesome Points.

Congratulations! You made it through the seven rules of life, made fun! What's next? If there's something you want "explained" just hit Emperor Sunny up. He'll tell me what's up, bro. Or sis, whatever it is you are...

Bonus Awesome Points for Political Correctness?


	2. Chapter 2: Magicology

Hey there, hi there, ho there, James Dean Potter again. I'm back to explain more of the magical world to all you muggles(and vice versa, but I'll get to that later.) Once again, I'm here to elaborate to you the subtleties and intricate niches of magic to you, and what better way to start off with than magic itself?

I know what you're thinking, dear old muggle chaps. "Magic is magic, what's there to explain?" Well, I can assure you that people once thought that when people asked why the sun set and rose again, why the sky was blue, and even how children were conceived. It is what it is, they always said, never questioning or thinking that there was any science to back that up. Ignorance, seeded with laziness or stupidity kept them in their comfort zone and lulled them into contentment.

But alas, I'm here to show to you what my Magical Science professor, old Professor Stonewall(just a nickname,) showed me. So, we start of our science lesson the proper way; _definitions_. Or vocabulary, take your pick.

What is magic? "**Magic**"- _M-a-g-i-c:_ the phenomenal occurrence of an emotional-physiological or logical-physiological response that turns the ordinary into the extraordinary.

Or in other words: the art of producing a desired effect or result through the use of incantation or various other techniques that presumably assure human control of supernatural agencies or the forces of nature. (Not as true, as Magic isn't exactly as "Supernatural" as we all think. Keep in mind that supernatural, in Layman's Terms, mean "above scientific explanation.")

How is magic most commonly done amongst modern day witches and wizards? Why, a wand, of course.

What is a wand? "**Wand**"- _W-a-n-d_: A long, narrow piece of carved and hollowed wood that houses a piece of magical animal, used as a control/outlet of magic to achieve an extraordinary mean.

To give you a better understanding of what drives the magic from Magical being to the wand, here are the definitions of the "drivers" of magic.

What is emotion? "**Emotion**"- _E-m-o-t-i-o-n_: any strong agitation of the feelings actuated by experiencing love, hate, fear, etc., and usually accompanied by certain physiological changes, as increased heartbeat or respiration, and often overt manifestation, as crying or shaking.

What is logic? "**Logic**"- _L-o-g-i-c:_ the system or principles of reasoning applicable to any branch of knowledge or study.

What does physiological mean? "**Physiological**"- _P-h-y-s-i-o-l-g-i-c-a-l_: consistent with the normal functioning of an organism.

Now, with these word's meanings fresh in our minds, we may continue.

Magic is, as a whole, a wonderful and superb gift to be given. Whether it been the ability to summon a lost set of keys, brew a potion that heals wounds faster than any band-aid mixed with antibiotics, or to be able to turn a prince into a frog that could only be turned back by a kiss from a pure princess' shy kiss, magic has always enthralled the hearts and creative minds of muggles worldwide. And believe it or not, the old time fairy tale's legends were not at all far from the truth. King Arthur and his loyal magician caretaker, Merlin, has always been a staple in the history of wizard kind, though to the muggle population of Britain and the greater English speaking world, their exploits have been the fantastic story of British mythology. And the Princess and the Frog? Look no further than to German prince Adolf von Hammerkrieg, a half-blood German whose tale was written down and published by the traveling brotherly bards, the Brothers' Grimm.

But we are not here to discuss history(nor do any of us want to. Oh… take that Professor Bells! Er… I mean, Professor Binns!) but to talk science. The science of magic, which ironically starts with an anatomy lesson.

Let's say you are a wizard. Or witch. I'm not double-standarding anyone, see. You are walking along a path in a park on a fine spring day. Or maybe autumn, because maybe you like the colors of Fall better. But not summer or winter- the weather's icky. So you're walking, happy as can be, on this beautiful, temperate day. You might be walking your dog. Or maybe smelling the fresh air, booming with the scent of fresh flowers. As you are about to pass by a large oak tree, a Death Eater springs out and attacks! Your(let's face it, damnable) dog runs away, pissing himself along the way.

"Sweet suicide bomber hippogriffs!" You scream, because you thought special little Super Special Agent James Dean Potter locked away all those psychos in the Azkababy Bin a long time ago.

"Fall over so I can kidnap you and rape you and torture you and serenade you with Rick Astley music, muggleborn!"

(Assuming you're a muggleborn, of course.)

What do you do when he sends a Stunning spell your way? Naturally, you draw your wand(fast, because that D-bag is about to kill you,) and cast a quick Shield charm. How does that spell happen? What makes it happen? How does the conscious thought or instinctive action go from your head to your wand and then into actual fruition?

It all starts in the most important part of the body. The left arm, I think. Or maybe the brain. Yeah, I think it's the brain. We'll go with the brain, 'cause I think it's a heart attack that revolves around the left arm. Anyway, a conscious thought or an emotional feeling, caused by a situation or a stressful situation sets off the brain waves, causing a _physiological response_. That physiological response travels through the brain, across the blood-brain barrier, into the eye-sockets, and vaporizes anybody that the wizard is looking-

Wait, that's Superman.

The physiological response is triggered and sent all across the brain, only to return into a single zap of electricity and travels down between the two hemispheres and straight to the medulla oblongata, where it is processed. Among other things, the medulla also is what controls your breathing, vomiting reflexes, and vasomotor functions. It controls autonomic functions(body regulated, not consciously controlled) of breathing, heart rate, and blood pressure. But I digress, as I am going off on a tangent.

Once in the medulla oblongata, this hotwire of magical electricity is then processed upon entry, "refined" into a more appropriate, effective form of energy, processed again, and then is used to make "pathways" to six other parts of the nervous system- the thalamus, the cerebellum, the frontal lobe, the Pons, the spinal cord, and all the nerves in the body.

Why is this relevant, are you asking? What does this have to do with magic, you ask? Why are you talking like you're reading out of a textbook? Well, to answer the first two questions, I must inform you that magic doesn't just magically happen, it has a process. A process that –GASP!- involves the body. As for the third question, I'm reading straight out of my Mom's(not "Mum's"… you silly British people….) old med school books. Yeah, that's right; psychologists go to med school, too. Uh huh, even magical ones.

Enough condescendence. Back to the science. These six parts of the nervous system are important. If the medulla cannot broadcast these electrical signals out to the other six parts(Squibs,) then no spell can be performed.

The first part, the thalamus, is another cause of a witch or wizard being a Squib. The medulla oblongata actually sends it's the physiological response there first, through the brain stem, the midbrain, and a small formation called the Foramen of Monro. Here, the magical information is processed by the brains number one leader in relaying sensation. That hum and warmness you feel upon finding that right wand? It's because your thalamus, unique and special as it is, has made contact and has bonded itself to the electrical "signature" made by the connection. And here you were, thinking, "Oh, that's just magic!"

The second part, the cerebellum, is a big one because it involves your motor control. It receives input from sensory nerves, and plays the part of fine tuning desired action of the spell. It is highly theorized that the magical accidents that many young, early developing witches and wizards cause is because of a still-growing cerebrum. That hypothesis is highly unlikely, because if it was so, then the "accidents" would happen before birth, and there have been no reports or documented incidents of such a thing. These occurrences also tend to happen in moments of emotional duress; again, this is a less likely cause.

Gah, _tangents_!

The entire frontal lobe receives the sliver of the information coming to it. This part of the brain's main function is to recognize future outcomes based on current actions. Cause and effect, in plain English. Long-term memory is stored here, along with knowledge of what is "good" and "bad." Basically, all important memories, whether labeled as such by importance or by emotion, are stored here. This part of the brain, on average, fully matures by the time a human turns twenty. This section of the nervous system, in terms of magic, is what decides how the spell will work. That is why, when a young wizard tries a new spell, he usually cannot do it perfectly. A certain level of practice over time will train the parts of the frontal lobe to properly make the spell work. This is the explanation as to why Neville Longbottom never could remember things properly, and why he felt that he was practically a Squib. His frontal lobe didn't mature as fast as others, and thus made him seem below average as a wizard.

The Pons is the most important part of the link. Its very name, "Bridge," should describe what it means to the whole process. It is the connector that ultimately ties all the other parts of the magical brain together.

At this point, the spell has coalesced in the brain and is ready to travel from the brain to the wand. The information is all wired through the Pons, down the brainstem, and into the spinal cord. The spinal cord is what carries the final magical product through the body and into the nerves. The nerves immediately flash the spell from the hand and fingers into the wand, spurring the latent core within the wood to charge. This is where the still slightly unrefined spell gets its "final ingredient," but more on that in a bit.

This is where things get uber complicated. The wood of the wand has to be of a magical type. Not all trees have a wood infused with magic, in theory like us humans. The tree needs to have certain connections, as well, in order to be able to channel magic. You see, the wood of a wand is carved in a way to direct the magic accurately.

The making of a wand is a very intricate and delicate process. The exterior has to be carved a certain way. The interior must be drilled, and its walls rifled, much like a muggle pistol. This enables magic to flow through the wand, redirect its energies, and ultimately be expulsed from the wand.

Whenever magic is introduced from the nerves of a wizard's hand to the wand, the wood immediately reacts. Because, at this point, the magical power is mostly electricity, the wood cannot simply direct it on its own. This is where the core comes in to play. The wood absorbs the electricity like a sponge. The core saps it up, bringing it to life like putting fresh batteries in a flashlight. The core, residing in its rifled center of the wand, begins to spiral that energy back and forth, and appropriate levels of radiation(the carrier of magic from wand to target) and using a process called perpetual motion, makes the spell powerful enough to be finally used.

With a flash that can either be seen or completely invisible to the naked eye, the spell is discharged from the tip of the wand(Hahahaha, dirty thoughts…) and is on its way to the intended target or purpose.

That's all I got for now. I'll be back later with the actual components of a spell! "Yay!?" Or "great, another science lesson?"


	3. Chapter 3: Magicology Part Bee

And… I'm back. James Dean is back in da house! Woot! (Erm… is that the proper muggle term? Look, it's been a while since I left Hogwarts for a slice of Manhattan's finest slice. Cut a wizard some slack...)

Anyway, the science of magic, part dos. Magicology, woooo, spooky and unexplainable, right? Wrong. Actually, it's a very complex and explainable scientific phenomenon. How it's made is still unexplainable, but the process itself is known throughout the world.

You see, back in the 1940s, a man by the name of Robert Oppenheimer, an American physicist and Berkeley University professor, led a top secret experimental program to develop an atomic bomb. Searching for the power to split an atomic particle to release ghastly amounts of energy, Oppenheimer ended World War II. However, his ideas spread a mass flourish of scientific chaos among the last place anyone would expect; the Wizarding community.

Let's take a step back and look at Wizarding history, shall we? For the longest of times, science had been ruled out as madness and heresy because of religon's ties to magic(a broken bond we won't get into depth about.) However, when the Salem witch trials and Inquisitions went about, witches and wizards fell off the face of the muggle world, and were forgotten about. Science flourished in magic's stead, in order to further life for non-magical folk.

Witches and wizards didn't need science, did they? Why invent a microwave when you point your wand at your cooled off afternoon tea and warm it up with a heating spell? Why invent a luminescent light bulb when you just say "_Lumos_?" Why bother hitting buttons on a complictated cell phone or drive a hazardous, time and energy consuming car when you can _Apparate_?

But when Oppenhiemer's fatally effective weapons fell upon the island nation of Japan, the Magical community was left in shock and panic. Muggles had found a way to not just destroy other muggles in one fell swoop, but they found a way to decimate _magic_ as well.

If you are a Japanese wizard who tried to fly a broom or swish your wand while standing in the middle of Hiroshima or Nagasaki, you would know what I mean. Such a strong and heavy dosage of radiation causes all magic to just… stop. Needless to say, American and Japanese wizards joined forces to get to the bottom of the quandary before the Pacific war treaty was even signed.

The case was blown wide open when John Jacob Jinglehiemer Schmidt, an old, popular, and ironically named German-American Ministry official met Albert Einstein for lunch. Schmidt was an emissary between the American President Truman and the American Minister Rawlings, as well as a friend of Einstein's. Old Albert knew of magic, and had taken a fascination with the odd occurrences in Japan. He gave Schmidt a Geiger counter, taught him how to use it, and bought Ole' Johnny a DC-10 airplane ticket to Tokyo.

Joining the rest of the investigative crew, Schmidt started doing experiments and taking notes. Outside of the hot zones, he Geiger counted spells and found, to his shock, that magical spells were _radioactive_. After narrowly surviving a heart attack, he took his findings back to Washington, DC, and published them to a Wizarding magazine. Rebuffed as a madman, Schmidt's notes and publication's were soon forgotten in all but the brunt of wisecracks and insults about crazy coots. His political popularity smashed and credibility crushed, Schmidt disappeared into obscurity and died at the age of two-hundred thirty-seven and three quarters, muttering to himself in a New York sewer.

How do we know this, you ask? And what is its relevance? We know this because another homeless guy came running out of the sewer screaming that a dead man was talking to himself. Creepy, right? Radioative ZOOOOOOOOMMMBIEEE! And the relevance? Meh, it's not really important. Just fascinating. Ha, I love zombies.

John Jacob Jinglehiemer Schmidt was, for all intents, purposes, and expectations, the first Magicologist. His notes reappeared less than two decades later on the front desk of a half-blood, muggle-preferring physicist by the name of William Gutierrez in the early 70s. Using telescopic camera filters like the ones used on the Hubble SPace Telescope, he sent varying spells at watermelon halves, varying from highly illegal Unforgivables to simple stun hexes.

His results were astounding. Schmidt was right! Based upon the class of spell, a different form of radiation was emitted with every discharge of magic. High-speed Ultra-violet waves flew out from spells such as the Killing Curse, where as infrared and radio waves traveled out with less powerful spells.

With this theory in mind, Gutierrez set out to study more. He proposed, from his final findings, that a magical spell had three distinct "components:" Radiation as a carrier, electricity as an energy source, and an unknown, unclassified "Black Matter" as the "will" or "orders" for the spell.

But, James, dear, how does that work? I'll explain.

Let's start with the Black Matter, or Will, of the spell. When the spell leaves your brain, travels down your spine, and flies out of your arm and into your wand, that Will sparks the magical electricity in the wand core. The Black Matter Will is the only part of magic that we don't really know what it is, or what kind of energy propels it. Is it matter? Is it energy? Most American Magicologists argue neither.

In order to be matter, a substance must have mass, and weight. It has to have stuff. Black Matter doesn't. Or, at least, none that we can see or calculate. Energy is the ability to do work, in the most base, simple definition of the word. It can be calculated. It powers things. Moves things. Black matter has no energy; be it thermal(heat,) kinetic(momentum,) electric, or chemical(as in reactions- by the way, don't EVER mix ammonia and bleach. Ever.)

So, if Black Matter is neither mass nor energy, it cannot exist, according to traditional muggle chemists. There is matter and energy. Nothing else can exist. No matter cannot be completely destroyed, and energy cannot disappear; both can only just change from one form of matter or energy into another.

To Magicologists, however, this makes sense. Black Matter is, to us, the truest, purest form of Magic. Unexplainable, it ties the electricity produced by the wand and the radiation pulled from our environment together. The "will" of our magic.

Electricity is the energy that powers our spells. The higher the voltage or amperage of the spell, the more powerful the spell is going to be. The Killing Curse has a surprisingly low voltage. The Stunning Spell, "Stupefy," has a low voltage, as well. Why? I'll get into that explanation later.

For now, alas, radiation. Radioactive energy is all around whether we like it or not. The sun? A radiation-heat factory of burning thousands of miles away from our comfortably warm home planet. You wee ickle muggles out there who own microwaves? Microwave radiation, baby. Nuke that Hot Pocket. Radios, televisions, walkie-talkies, cell phones, satellite phones, and many more modern muggle appliances? Radio waves. Satellites. All radioactive energy.

Cancerous skin and malignant brain tumors for all! Yay!

Radiation acts as the carrier, or transport for your intended spell. The faster the spell, the faster the radiation source has to be. Yeah, remember in Transfiguration class where Hermione always has to show my brother Harry and our buddy Ron how to "flick and swish?" Transfiguration magic almost exlusivley works in radio wave radiation. Radio waves are slow, wide band waves. The slower they are, the more deliberate and careful the spell can be. Coupled with low voltages of electricity, Transfiguration relies on patience and accuracy to be successful. That explains why Ron and Harry don't get it.

Bloody brutes.

Now, spells are labeled in Magicology by two labels, E and a number, R and a number. E stands for electricity, R for radiation, and the numbers, varying from 1-3 for electricity and 1-4, label the power of said letter. Now, the higher the number, the more powerful the radiation or electricity is. Here's a list.

**Electricity**

E1= 0-999 volts

E2= 1,000-9,999 volts

E3= 10,000-Infinity

**Radiation**

R1= Radio Waves

R2= Infrared

R3= Ultraviolet

R4= X-ray/Gamma Ray

E3 R-4. That is the label for the spell _Sectum Sempra_. The low voltage is just at 200 volts. That is just the right amount of electrical _umph_ to kill a full grown, hearty and healthy man. But it doesn't matter what the power of the electricity is, exactly, it is the current. More than two hundred volts of controlled lightning can flash through your body harmlessly given certain conditions.

What kills you is the _current_, or flow, of the electricity. If it goes through your heart, the nerves firing the muscles of your internal blood pumper get shorted out. That's what kills you. And the black matter firing the radiation and electricity kill your heart cleanly, and without any external signs of electrocution, like smoking, standing-up-straight hair, burned finger nails, or a flash of your skeleton to any observers.

Why? Because that black matter forces all of that radiation and electricity _completely_ at your heart. Don't you just love science?


End file.
